Take, for instance (you were hoping for a "for instance," right?) an incident that happened earlier this month. I'd recently booked one of my favorite local comedians for one of my MovieBoozer events. We'd been communicating via Facebook and all was well. Then I saw him out at a club. The normal half of me thought, "Oh, great - what a lovely opportunity to introduce myself in person." The weirdo half of me thought, "Why don't you just walk away?" Well, the normal half of me won out - until I approached him, and then the weirdo took over. (Damn you, weirdo - you are an asshole! Who gave you control?)
This is what I said: "Hi, I'm Jenna. I smell of booze and edamame." What in the fuck, weird Jenna? Was, "Nice to meet you" unavailable? And why did I think my breath would be a factor? We weren't in a small, enclosed space, nor were we going to be making out. Of all the things, why did weirdo Jenna reveal this tidbit? I still don't know. But it didn't sway this gracious guy. He gave me a hug and said, "You know, there're a lot of smells out there and those are two really good ones."
The normal part of me could've recovered and carried on a conversation from there. But no - the weirdo part still had control! So I stared at him for a moment, with absolutely no follow-up, until I shrugged and said, "Well, I can see that you're busy." And then I walked away! Why, Jenna? Why?!
I spent the rest of the evening in a tailspin, until I stumbled upon a way to beat weird Jenna at her own nefariously nutty game. Here's what I've decided to do: give her a platform. (If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.) So look for The Humiliation of Jenna Zine, coming soon to my YouTube channel. I'll talk about all the times I've said insanely asinine things, usually to famous people that I'd admire - and then we can all have a laugh.
[Photo: The time I met Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo. He was really nice!]