Holy heck, you know, and I know there’s a lot going on out there. Let’s get to it!
* Angelina Jolie was spotted at Diplo’s backyard BBQ and rumors are swirling that the two are having a fling. Listen, I’ve done the forensics and I’m gonna tell you right now – this is not happening. Yes, Angelina was there – there’s a covert shot of her at the event in Diplo’s Instagram stories. (Framed by a bag of Cheetos. How dare he!) But that’s no proof of a romp. If anything, it’s evidence against it. Here’s why:
1. If Diplo were lucky enough to actually be sleeping with Jolie, one would assume she’d make the terms evident. And that would be no acknowledgement (especially publicly, much less on something so pedestrian as social media) of said hookup. The first rule of Angelina Jolie is that you don’t talk about Angelina Jolie!
2. Diplo is thirsty AF – of course he wants this rumor floating around! Everything about it benefits him and does nothing for her.
3. He’s an admitted fan of the actress/humanitarian. He’d naturally want to document the fact that she showed up at his house.
4. Speaking of: they’re neighbors. So, it’s not too unusual that she might pop by. Also, note to self – remind me to come back as a DJ in my next life. How are Diplo and Jolie making comparable salaries to end up in the same hood?!
5. Attendance at the BBQ was most likely a favor to Jolie’s son, Maddox, who’s into DJing and his interest was probably the real reason behind the visit.
Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case. Verdict: not banging.
* Hey, have you heard that Matt Gaetz is an absolutely filthy POS? Yes, me too – and that was before he was just known as Trump sycophant. The Republican Congressman (serving Florida – are you surprised?) has been accused of child sex trafficking, amongst a myriad of recent accusations. Gaetz, who’s currently claiming no wrongdoing, also conveniently sought a blanket pardon from Trump before the other renowned POS left office. Things that make you go hmmm! The FBI is investigating and it’s probably the easiest job they’ve ever had, given that Matt bragged about his “conquests” on the floor of the Senate and left a Venmo trail of the prostitutes that he paid. In a recent turn of events, it appears that Gaetz’s “friend” who helped organize the human trafficking, is willing to turn on Matt and shit’s about to officially go down. Here’s hoping Matt soon sees what Trump should’ve seen a looong time ago: the confines of a jail cell. Here’s to cheering on the FBI from the sidelines!
* More exciting justice news: our hardworking President Biden is saying enough with “thoughts and prayers,” and is instead insisting it’s finally time to take action on behalf of gun control. I am so excited about this! It’s been a long time coming. Gun violence is our country’s "other epidemic" and I’m beyond thrilled that we finally have a President who’s willing to take actionable steps towards big changes. Read more about some of his upcoming proposals here.
* Scott Rudin, a Hollywood mega producer known for taking part in just about every movie that you most likely love, is a toxic boss. I hope you were sitting down for that revel! Rudin’s reputation has long been a thing of lore, but recently former employees have been speaking out regarding treatment they've suffered at his hands. And I do mean hands, quite literally, as Rudin purportedly famous for lobbing things at his employees. Items are said to have included: a phone, a laptop, a napkin holder, and… a baked potato. Of all the things, I am stuck on the potato. I feel, naturally, that absolutely NONE of these items are appropriate to throw at an employee (or anyone, ever. With the exceptions being Matt Gaetz and Trump). But there’s something particularly perverse about being at work and having a baked potato hurled at you. Now I’m left to wonder how Scott likes his spuds. Was it dry? Is he a butter fan? Was sour cream involved? Was the assistant then forced to fetch another potato after the one-sided food fight? So many questions! But chief amongst them… how does he still have a job? Read the nuclear Hollywood Reporter article here.
* We did it – we watched Godzilla vs. King Kong last weekend and… it was a delight! I mean it. It made absolutely no sense. Not one lick. It was predictable. It was hella cheesy. The plot holes were larger than the Grand Canyon. But damn, we had a blast. Yes, my defenses are down, and the bar is low. But fun was had and that’s at a premium right now, so that’s what matters. I've got to say, this gets a surprise thumb’s up from me! Put it on your list and let me know if you enjoyed this stupidity as much as I did.
* You guys, renowned Lothario Pete Davidson has moved out of his mother’s basement! Mark your calendars – this is the day the boy has become a man. Yep, he’s out of the house, but he hasn’t gone too far: Davidson is still residing in Long Island but has upgraded to a luxury waterfront condo. Hell, perhaps we should flip the script and his mom should move in with him? Sounds like Momma Davidson is due for some pampering. However, that would surely put a crimp on Pete’s very active dating life. The latest news – in a long string of ladies – is that he’s now "serious" with Bridgerton star Phoebe Dynevor. If I were a betting woman, I’d say this game of Spin the Bottle is not over for Davidson. But at least the view will be nice for Phoebe while she’s there. Stay tuned!
* Well, I think we can all agree to feel relieved that this story is fake! This pic (and unique headline) took Twitter by storm this week when many noted that the woman in the photo looked like Amy Poehler. That got Amy's name trending with a very specific skill, and a lot of laughs were had. Thankfully Snopes looked into the clip and found out it was the "clever" work of the Word News Daily Report (where "facts don't matter"). While the "news" organization might not be giving The Onion a run for their money, they did briefly give many women a panic attack - most notably Poehler's poor publicist. Click here for HuffPo's wild wrap-up and breathe a little easier!
* Oh, friends – this column is woefully lacking in diversity this round! Too many crappy males, too few cool peeps. What is it with men not being able to keep their genitals, guns, and potatoes to themselves? I tell ya! I will work harder to expand the horizons for next time. There’s more I’d like to say, but I’ll be leaving you here until next week. In the interim, I’ll continue to urge you to donate to Everytown and/or Moms Demand Action, if you are able. These hardworking organizations have been pressing for gun reform for a long time. Let’s show them some support now that we’re finally about to get some help from the White House! And, as always, show yourself some love. You are the star of your world, and I’m glad you are here! Xo