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Celebricate – Your Weekly Gossip Roundup (for the week of Jan. 11 – Jan. 15, 2021)

Why am I craving peaches this week? Peaches, peaches, peaches! Haha. After all – what’s better than one impeachment? Two! Yes, the craven, fascist asshole who’s been terrorizing the nation is being ushered out in a wave of historic shame. Here’s hoping he’s barred from ever being able to hold office again – and then some. Moving on!

* Speaking of the presidency, Anna Wintour did dirty by Vice President elect Kamala Harris with her Vogue cover, choosing to run with the photo that Harris’s team specifically did not approve. Anna! Put on those Manolos and lead by example. We’re all responsible in setting the tone, so support Kamala and lift her up! Kicking it off with a disgusting microaggression is beyond shameful. Keep calling people out. Black women deserve our support, love, and respect.

* There is a Sex & the City revival in the works and I have a lot of thoughts about it. One of them being, “Hell, yes!” I don’t care if this is an unpopular opinion – I am beyond excited! More of a good thing is a good thing. Read all about my theory here.

* Well, this is terrifying. The internet exploded this week, and the trending topic was… cannibalism. Say what?! Yes, in leaked texts and screenshots, a ghost Twitter account unloaded some very serious allegations against Armie Hammer, including his predilection towards the aforementioned eating of people, blood-drinking, and his already well-documented bondage “kinks.” The scandal – which is still unfolding – resulted in Hammer “stepping away” from his role in an upcoming rom-com with Jennifer Lopez. (JLo is not going to suffer fools. Get that stink away from my girl!) Armie is denying the “spurious allegations,” but the receipts are flowing in, including confirmation from one ex that said he wanted to, “break her ribs and barbeque them.” Good lord. I’ll keep you posted, but this is one story I hope goes away. And by “goes away,” I mean I hope Hammer is put away. This is a dangerous man.

* Happy news! Well, happy and sad. Happy – Lori Harvey and Michael B. Jordan went Instagram official this week! Sad news - Lori Harvey and Michael B. Jordan went Instagram official this week, taking Jordan off the market. Siiiiigh. But, omg – are they not the cutest? I’m already hitting the fast-forward button, because I need to see those babies!

* In marriage news, should we be concerned about Matt Damon’s? The actor has been spotted 1.) without his wedding band and 2.) visiting best friend Ben Affleck several times in the last few weeks. Looking for consolation? Or just letting that ring finger take a breather? Stay tuned!

* A bevy of Karens stormed Nordstrom after the retail giant officially removed Ivanka Trump’s clothing line. I’m sure the employees will dearly miss those demanding mask-less assholes. Not. Meanwhile, let this be the beginning of the purge of Trump dollars from our economy! Not one red cent.

* Were you wondering if Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde are still banging it out? Indeed, they are; but Jason Sudeikis is really wishing they were not! In fact, Sudeikis is hoping his ex will “snap out of it,” so they can get back to raising their family. I’m thinking this dickmatization is not wearing off anytime soon, so you might want to settle in for a long wait, Jason…

* Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy’s divorce was finalized in the most-modern of ways – via Zoom, and the photo is epic. I’m not sure how or why, but Molly Crane-Newman was allowed to take a pic of the proceedings by a judge and it is a study in New York chic minimalism. Mary-Kate has always been ahead of the curve and did not falter at this finish line. I’m toasting to her newborn freedom with a bowl of prunes and cigarettes as we speak.

* And finally, Happy 50th Birthday to Queen Mary J. Blige and her flawless bikini bod! Here’s to many more!

As always, please stay safe, wear those masks, and come back to visit me again soon! Have a great weekend as we countdown to the Inauguration! You can sign up for details about the blessed event here. xo


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