A-Rod is still scrambling to apologize to J-Lo, but the side-chick evidence is mounting. Meanwhile, Prince Harry has a fancy new job, Ana de Armas moves on, and Kris Jenner adds cleaning products to her shady portfolio. Let's get to it!
* Remember that happy couple, strolling through the early days of the pandemic, hand-in-hand and super loved up? That would be Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas, for those of you who need to knock the cobwebs out. (I know – it feels like 10 years ago to me too!) Well, they are officially no more. The duo did their civic duty, keeping us entertained with their near daily pap strolls (touting a Dunkin’ Donuts iced coffee for him, leashes attached to adorable dogs for her) when quarantine was new. And it was much appreciated, as they were literally some of the only celebrity gossip available to us when most industry folk were (smartly) hiding themselves away in their respective mansions.
Their relationship was looking pretty serious – there were rumors of an engagement and the two managed to last a year. (That's seven years by normal people standards!) But then the cozy walks came to a halt and BenAna sightings got scarce. (Maybe she professed an allegiance to Starbucks? Deal breaker!) Rumblings kicked up recently that they were perhaps on again after Ana was spotted wearing a heart necklace given to her by Ben during their courtship. Turns out de Armas is just a fan of nice jewelry – shortly after fans spotted her wearing it in a pic, she shut down rumors via Instagram with the words “nope,” “no,” and “don’t think so,” against a black background. Who needs a publicist when you have IG emojis?! Bad news for Ben, great news for gossip. Keep your eyes peeled – it’s doubtful either party will stay single for long. As the world continues to “open up,” so will their social calendars...
* Speaking of the on again/off again, rinse & repeat cycle: J-Lo and A-Rod have reunited once more. The two have been spotted canoodling in the Dominican Republic on weekends, when Alex flies to visit Jennifer during her breaks. (Filming has resumed for her latest project, Shotgun Wedding, which stalled when production had to recast Armie Hammer’s role. You know why! Hammer has been replaced by rocker Lenny Kravitz – a casting swap I did not see coming, but I’m here for it!)
The Lopez/Rodriguez union has been plagued with cheating rumors, most recently when A-Rod reached out to a reality television star on Instagram to initiate a "friendship." Things, unsurprisingly, have been strained between Alex & Jennifer ever since. However, the newest photos show them going out of their way to act loved up whenever Alex is in town. Personally, I’m not sure how much credence we’re supposed to give this latest news. I’m at the, “I’ll believe it when I see it” stage of this supposed union. You may be asking, "Why doesn't she just dump him now?" Good question! But, as we know, J-Lo is deep into filming an already scandal-tinged project, thanks to Armie’s grossness. The renowned workaholic isn’t going to let anything deter her now that she’s back on set. My bets are on her publicist cuing up the, “They have a deep respect for one another, but have decided to part ways,” once Jennifer wraps filming. Stay tuned!
* Let’s check in on the Royal Family, shall we? Last we heard Harry, Meghan, and Oprah had made history with a shocking interview (you can get your Celebricate recap here) and the BRF has been scrambling to catch up ever since. Here’s what’s happening now:
· Harry got a fancy new job! He’s now the Chief Impact Officer at BetterUp, a mental health/wellness Silicon Valley startup. You know, your usual company that’s valued at a billion-some-odd dollars before the doors have even opened. Harry will have a hand in developing resources for the app, as well as weighing in on charities to associate with. Many are claiming this is a “fake position” that Harry has “no experience” for. They are wrong! The Duke has spent the majority of his adulthood championing mental health and mental health awareness, despite rumblings from his family that one simply should not address such things. He will be a great asset. Point: Harry!
· Remember that cozy relationship the Firm has with the UK press? Turns out it’s even friendlier than one would imagine – if being “friendly” includes blackmail and stabbing people in the back. (In other words, par for the course.) It’s recently been revealed the reason rumors of Prince William’s alleged affair with Rose Hanbury was all but buried by the tabloids was because Will agreed to sell out certain family members in exchange for silencing the media about his fling. The member he chose as his sacrificial lamb? That would be his brand-new sister-in-law, Meghan Markle! Hence the numerous smear campaigns (mixed in with that super disgusting inherent racism). No wonder the brothers had a falling out! Meanwhile, one has to wonder if the scent of Rose still lingers in the background…
· Over at the other castle, Prince Charles (the boy who will never be King) is ticked that his decades-long bid to repair his (and wife Camilla’s) image has been dashed – both with a damning season 4 of Netflix's The Crown and with Harry’s open dismay at his father’s betrayal during the infamous Oprah interview. Cue the tiny violins!
· And, finally, the Queen! Elizabeth has recently been heard grousing that she doesn’t believe Charles will ever “live up to her sense of duty.” I’m no Charles apologist – far from it – but I have no idea where in the hell this comes from. Say what you will about Charles, but literally all he does is live in the name of duty towards the throne. Meanwhile, Liz’s favorite son, Andrew, continues to do no wrong in the Queen’s eyes. I guess Andrew’s close friendship with dead rapist pedophile/child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein somehow gets a pass while Charles’s well-documented ongoing commitment to work on behalf of the BRF is of no interest to her? I don’t know what’s in the tea over there, but something ain’t right!
* Chrissy Teigen and Kris Jenner (aka Pimp Momma Kris, head evil for all things Kardashian) are going into to business together. Yes, soon you will be able to buy “green” cleaning products from the duo, with an "environmentally friendly" line they’ve dubbed “Safely.” Naturally! Because when I think of cleaning my home, my first instinct is to buy products from two multi-millionaires who probably haven’t picked up a toilet brush since the early nineties. (I don’t know about you, but not one red cent of mine will go towards lining the pockets of any Kardashian.) Meanwhile, Kris continues to be Teflon and it’s Chrissy who quit Twitter. Not long after the venture was announced, Teigen closed her popular account when a deluge of mean memes flooded her timeline. I assume there’s a Safely product specially formulate to scrub away the saline of crocodile tears?
* Speaking of Twitter… I don’t eat cereal and I’ve never been gladder about my choice than this week. The latest story to go viral off the app involved Cinnamon Toasted Crunch and shrimp tails. Say what? Yep. Comedian Jensen Karp posted a pic of a bag of cereal with both the sugary squares and some toasted tails, claiming he’d found them at the bottom of his box. Karp briefly enjoyed his fame, musing that he was the “next Gorilla Girl,” before things took another turn when several other comedians began commenting that Jensen is “abusive” and an “unreliable narrator.” And this is why we can’t have funny gross things, you guys! On the flipside, I guess errant shrimp tails couldn’t happen to a “nicer” guy. Karma is funny like that.
* How’s your Spring Break going? If your reply is, “What Spring Break?” that is the correct answer! If you’re like, “Bitch, I’m in Florida,” please lose my number. Florida was forced to declare a state of emergency after beaches filled up (yet again), wall-to-wall packed with revelers desperate to celebrate. Meanwhile, my husband and I are also on vacation – our faux trip includes pretending to be in Cancun, with one of us randomly/occasionally shouting, “Woo hoo, Spring Break!” while pretending to flash the other one before returning to our regularly scheduled activity of staring longingly out the window. But I’ll take it! The best margarita in the world pales in comparison to the sweet nectar of waiting to get vaccinated. Cheers to that! (And, if you’re with me, a big virtual hug to you for staying the course. It’s not always easy, but the payoff is huge so please continue to hang in there!)
* Have you heard that Ellen DeGeneres is kind of an asshole? The talk show host’s shoddy reputation has been a part of the whisper network for ages, and during the pandemic the whispers finally grew to shouts. The fallout? She issued a long overdue half-hearted apology for her toxic work environment, but it hasn't stopped her viewership from hemmorging. Since returning to the air, Ellen has lost over one million viewers. Looks like DeGeneres is getting a comeuppance in the form of declining advertisers as a result. You catch more flies with honey, Ellen! A fact she’ll have plenty of time to review when she reaches her swiftly approaching retirement…
*We’re here – the end that always seems to come too soon! I’m sending you off with a little homework to call your lawmakers and, if you’re able, to donate to Everytown and/or Moms Demand Action. We finally have a President who is willing ban assault rifles and put some real work behind gun reform and we need to do everything we can to help support him in pushing this through. We can create a brighter reality! And, as always, remember self-care – you're a superstar and you deserve the best! xo
Oh! And per my newsletter: my husband and I participated in a Sex & The City movie watch party with the crew from Vulture last night and it got me hankering for my girls again. Click here to read my thoughts on why we should welcome back the women from SATC with open arms when that long-awaited reboot arrives! Have a great weekend. :)