Celebricate: Celebrating Celebrities & the messes they make!
It's been a minute - or a few years! But who's counting? We know time has lost all meaning since 2020, so I'm just gonna pick up right where we left off - with pop culture chats and everything fun! Welcome back - I'm excited to get into it with you. :)
(This post is dedicated to my sister-in-law, Jaimi, who encouraged me to write this again. Thank you for all the kind words! xo)
Meryl Streep has entered the chat! Single at 70 (ish – age is just a number! Also, I don’t feel like looking it up). Yes, Meryl – one of the industry’s most highly decorated actors – has decided to end her 45-year marriage. I would kill to see Meryl on the dating apps – I imagine her version of a dick pic is a tasteful photo of a Nancy Meyers kitchen. May the Tinder/Raya gods shine our way! (Why is Ben Affleck married right now? I want so badly for him to slide into Meryl’s DMs. “Why did you block me? It’s me, Ben Affleck!”) Though rumor has it that she might not be flying solo for long – she may already be dating her Only Murders in the Building costar Martin Short! If that doesn’t delight you, you are officially dead inside! This is cuter than the Easter Bunny frolicking with a fluffy yellow ducky. Perhaps these two will make it official at an upcoming Oscars Red Carpet? We shall see!
Madame Web!!! Have you seen it? You must see it – it’s this generation’s Showgirls. (In a so bad it’s good, destine to become a cult classic, already a cultural touchstone for how absolutely batshit it is kind of way.) Madame Web follows the adventures of Cassandra Web, a fringe character in the Spider Man universe who’s finally getting her backstory told on the big screen. A backstory absolutely no one asked for, but a story all the same! Dakota Johnson plays the lead and is a secret genius – so deadpan in her delivery that it’s hard to tell if she’s joking, if she can’t act, or if it’s a masterful blend of the two. The bonus has been Dakota’s equally nutty press tour, with Johnson openly seething with derision towards the project, her costars, the press, Sony, Marvel, Spider Man, and everything in between. Go for the spectacle – stay for the unhinged laughs. (I can’t remember the last time I had quite this much fun at the movies. I kept whispering to Larry every few minutes, “I’m so glad we’re here!” Which bothered no one… because there were only 10 of us in a giant theater. Delightful!)
Jessica Biel eats in the shower, and I have no words for how disgusting that is. (Although, she is married to one* of my mortal enemies, Justin Timberlake, so her filth threshold must be very high!) She claims it helps with multitasking and challenges us to adopt this time-saving habit. If I am ever so busy that I NEED TO EAT IN THE SHOWER, I WILL REMOVE SOMETHING FROM MY SCHEDULE. Also, really Jessica? I claim bald-faced lie on this one. I don’t care how pretty you are – I do not appreciate this fuckery. However, I will take this opportunity to start a new trend: eating while dry and clothed! Try it, it is fantastic. (*My other mortal enemies are Eric Clapton and Tom Brady, naturally.)
Marriage counseling – one assumes it works best when both parties want to participate. However, it appears that someone needs to get the word to PK, husband of Dorit. (That would be PK and Dorit Kemsley, one of the many wealthy couples populating Bravo’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.) The two have been squabbling of late. What to do? Hire a therapist. Not just any therapist, but one who makes house calls. Fancy! When said therapist arrives, PK is tasked with answering the door. Not too arduous of a request, one would assume. However, as Dorit idles away in their plush, sunken living room, the minutes tick by. When she finally gets up, she finds PK alone, in the hallway eating pizza. Yes! PK didn’t even make it to the door – he paused for hallway pizza! (I’m not sure who keeps a pizza in their hallway. Perhaps an offshoot of the Jessica Biel food-in-the-shower cult?) Beer in hand, slice of ‘za in the other, a few mere feet from the door where marriage salvation awaits. I hope this counselor charges by the minute, as she shifts from foot to foot unwittingly waiting for PK to finish his snack! (Although perhaps PK is on to something. How many more people would be willing to attend therapy if it featured pizza and beer? Hang on while I go implement this new modality and make a boatload of money!) I do have to hand it to PK – he’s a master class of “how to tell someone you don’t want to be married without actually telling them.” If actions speak louder than words, PK’s pepperoni fingers must already have a divorce lawyer on speed dial!
Speaking of marriage, albeit a much happier one: some of you know that during the height of the pandemic, Larry & I decided to entertain ourselves by watching every Kevin Costner film ever made. Miraculously, we are still together! We even made it through the moment when I almost fell asleep on the couch during Waterworld. (I was awakened to a light shove and a stern, “Hell, no. If I am watching Waterworld, YOU are watching Waterworld.” Fair.) It was honestly a delightful endeavor and, even though the pandemic thankfully continues to wane, the Costner experiment has been remembered with delight. Now, my question is: can I implement a Ryan Phillippe film festival with the same success? Or do bad actors only flourish when one is sequestered to the living room? It is a query I will boldly attempt to answer. Stay tuned!
Okay, I did not set out for this to be the marriage newsletter, but one more topic: where in the hell is Kate? As in Princess of Wales, wife of Prince William? She has not been seen in public or heard from since late December 2023. (Speaking of a man who has little to no interest in his spouse… Will, I’m looking at you. What’s the posh equivalent of pizza? Cucumber sandwiches? It’s Will, in the foyer, casually munching a tea sandwich, sipping a chilled Sancerre as the marriage therapist twiddles her thumbs. He ain’t never opening that door, girl!) Here’s to a Kate sighting, sooner than later!
Pop culture that is currently delighting me:
1. The Shameless podcast – two female hosts from Australia, who trill away with such excitement about American celebrities. It’s truly delightful to listen to. Adding to the fun – it’s summer in Australia right now, and I love hearing about all their hot weather endeavors, especially their obsession with tennis. Highly recommend!
2. “Fake Profile” on Netflix. It’s a steamy, unhinged binge. A limited series of 10 sex and drama fueled episodes. Jackie Collins would be proud!
That’s it for this round. Just a little toe, dipping back into the pool of pop culture. I am finding it pleasant and I hope you are too! Until next time, peeps!
Meanwhile, I’m wishing you the confidence of: Bradley Cooper wearing this hat. Out in public. On purpose. While on a “date” with Gigi Hadid, a super model 20 years his junior. Live bold, Bradley.
