Twisted Knickers - June 2 Newsletter!

* I really want to thank everyone who reached out recently after the terrifying/heartbreak/disgusting events of this past week. Your kindness means the world. More on that below.


* In the meantime, I’ll kick this off with some good news: Evan Spiegel (the co-founder of Snapchat, who became the youngest billionaire in the world at 25-years old) and his wife, Miranda Kerr (a former Victoria’s Secret supermodel and herself a successful business owner), paid off the student loans of 285 graduating students of Otis College. Both Spiegel and Kerr were there to receive honorary degrees when Spiegel made the surprise announcement. The world would be a better place if there were more gestures like this. Imagine going to school and having something amazing happen instead of being worried each day that you were going to be murdered? How wild! A pipe dream, or the wave of the future? You can help decide this course when you vote, as well as demanding that we ban assault weapons and high-capacity ammunition. Just a thought. In the meantime, here’s a cheers to Evan and Miranda for helping these recent graduates to enter the work force alive and debt-free!

* In “the more things change, the more they stay the same” news: I went to the DMV this morning, and I hope I can provide you with comfort in the knowledge that it is still awful. Of all the things that have changed post-pandemic, rest assured that this is not one of them! I got up early. I flat-ironed my hair. I did a full face of make-up, including eyelashes. You guys, I EVEN PRACTICED MY SMILE. I was determined to be free of the greasy looking, squinty-eyed horror-show ID that has been following me around for the past several years. Today was going to be MY DAY. When it was finally my turn, I fluffed my hair, jutted out my chin, and flashed my chosen grin. The lady told me to smile bigger and I just thought, “Hahaha, not today Satan.” I stuck with my pose. I watched her shrug and click. I received a copy of my new license. I look insane. I am choosing to take a certain comfort in this. If there is one thing that remains consistent in this increasingly bat-shit bananas world, let it be the DMV. Shine on, you crazy diamond.

[Btw, a delightful addition to my DMV experience: the awesome fellow mask-wearer I met in line. The man ahead of me (a line already 25 people deep at 8 AM) was lecturing a non-mask wearer. Not at all my style, but he was hilarious. He told the guy, “My neighbor took a flight without a mask. You know what she got? COVID. You know what her family got when she got home? COVID. Me and this lady here (that would be me!); we’re gonna continue wearing our masks.” It did not make either one of us very popular, but it did make me laugh.]

* The Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard trial has finally wrapped, with both parties found “guilty” of defamation. (It was a civil not criminal trial.) The jury and the internet openly favored Depp, who’s actively been working overtime to the turn the tide of opinion back in his favor. While both were deemed to have defamed one another, Heard’s compensation is $2 million, while Johnny’s is $15 million. So… Amber “won,” but still owes Depp $13 million. I’m not a fan of Heard’s – or really Johnny’s (now. I must confess to loving him when I was teen. Those cheekbones! I’m only human). They both honestly sound like terrible/unpleasant people. However, Amber’s loss is every woman’s loss who has survived domestic abuse and attempted to speak up. And Amber’s loss is every American’s loss, in regard to free speech. But those pirate movies though! Who cares about the threat to the First Amendment? Give me Pirates of the Caribbean: Part 13 – I Promised My Ex-Wife Global Humiliation and I Fucking Accomplished It. Coming to theaters near you!

In other Depp news, what’s bad for women might be good for gossip: Kate Moss took the stand to defend Johnny’s past behavior during the trial and was recently spotted at one of his Hollywood Vampire concerts. Will the trial of the century fan the flames of lost love? Or will he hook up with his hot lawyer, as many gossip-mongers are predicting? Stay tuned!

* From the “Who Cares/TMI” files: Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker are finally for-reals wed after their third ceremony. (The first was the basic-ass trial run in Vegas at a cheap chapel with an Elvis impersonator. The second was at the Santa Barbara courthouse where they made it legal. The third was the tacky Dolce & Gabbana sponsored extravaganza in Rome.) Now that they’re officially official, they’ve begun their baby quest in earnest and have been visiting with a fertility doctor who has some unique advice. Hint: the male doctor is recommending that Kourtney drinking Travis’s sperm four times a week. Travis is said to “love” the idea. I don’t know who this quack is, but I am compelled to insert a Sex Ed PSA here: That’s not the hole the semen goes in if you want to make a baby.

* While we’re here, Kim Kardashian revealed to the NY Times this week that she’d “eat poop every day if it kept her looking young.” It bears noting that she’s also in the midst of launching a new skin care line. May I suggest a better marketing campaign?

* After all the fuss, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are in England to attend the Queen’s Jubilee celebration. Everyone is playing nice so far, but I am looking forward to some knickers getting in a twist. (Prince William, I’m looking at you! If you’re not too busy after your return to Rose’s bushes, that is.)

Happy Pride Month! Sending love to all. Until next time, my peeps. xo

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I've been trying all week to put the horrors of the supermarket shooting in Buffalo, NY and the school shooting in Texas into the appropriate words, and I'm finding I just can't. The grief and rage are still so fresh for us all. Every time I go to address it, I feel a pounding headache and feel a poison flooding my body. The PTSD is real and painful, and we were only a very small part of a horrific night in Vegas during the shootings in 2017.

And the elephant in the room is: What more is there to say? I feel like I've been screaming into the ether about this for years. Nothing seems to change. Instead, these events are continuing to happen with alarming frequency with no avenue of American life left untouched. This situation is beyond fucked and must end.

No one deserves this and this is not the kind of country we want for ourselves or our children. We must DEMAND and end to gun violence. We can do this by voting, donating to appropriate causes, and by demanding that our government ban assault weapons and high-magazine bullets (as a start). Our children should not be murdered at school - or at all. We should not fear going to concerts, the grocery store, churches, or doctor appointments (to name a few).

Please join me in donating and volunteering with Everytown for Gun Safety, Mom's Demand, and Lift Every Voice Oregon. We must make a change. And thank you again to everyone for your kindness and thoughts. I am praying for a time when this is not a thing we even have to think about! xo