Did you hear? Spinach can email now! This is really all I want from life – spam from my vegetables, not with them. Also, happy Black History Month! (Um, I feel like we can all agree this needs to be an ongoing environment of support, inclusion, and education that’s not just relegated to February, the month with the fewest days. ) Kicking it off is LeBron James, skillfully shutting down Courtside Karen. (I’d also lobby for Covid Karen, given her mask-less tirade.) Let’s get into it!
* It got heated courtside at a recent NBA game, leading to one fan being ejected from the arena. Get the details here. LeBron James is the consummate professional and more gracious than this situation warrants. Courtside Karen, by all accounts, sounds like an entitled asshole who, in addition to being a jerk, is also most likely lying about her age. Verdict: LeBron, by a mile. Also, super cringe to the NBA for having fans in the stands in the first place. Still not sure why this is happening!
* Speaking of sports, as I’m often wont to do, there might be a romance a’brewin’ for Green Bay Packer quarterback Aaron Rodgers and actress/Big Little Lies alum Shailene Woodley. Aaron is also known for being better than Tom Brady, dating Olivia Munn, and cutting off his family, which includes his brother, former Bachelorette contestant, Jordan Rodgers. When not mingling with the A list, Shailene likes to commune with nature, most notably taking time to “sunbathe her vagina,” in an effort to get some vitamins. Me? I’ll stick to supplements, thanks! The unlikely love between the jock and the hippy is still in the middle stages, hovering between hookup and official status. Will it be friends-with-benefits or IG official? I’ll keep an eye out!
* And, since we’re here, the Super Bowl is this weekend, which, despite my mixed opinions, I will be watching. Con: yikes, as it’s another very risky large audience event with the potential to turn super spreader, putting many in danger. And the pro? I don’t know – it’s hard to move on after that! But it’s not stopping a thing if I don’t turn my TV on, so I’ll be popping in to see the spectacle. Maybe I’ll watch wearing a double mask from my couch to make me feel better.
Also, for extra credit, please check out my latest film review: A Woman’s Work – The NFL Cheerleader Problem. Brace yourselves – the NFL is not exactly renowned for treating these ladies very well. In fact, the franchise is currently embroiled in several ongoing lawsuits regarding wage theft and unfair labor practices! I highly recommend this; it’s such a well-done documentary and it deserves to be seen. (You can even view it for free here. Worth your time!)
* Where are you at with your quarantine streams? My husband and I hit our pandemic entertainment rock bottom this past weekend when we rented Waterworld. (Yes, we even paid for it! Omg. Desperate times, desperate measures and all that.) We’d always heard it was one of the worst films of all time, and now I can personally confirm that this is true! It is baffling bad! On the upside, we laughed for two hours straight, so it was actually kind of worth it. The bar is set ridiculously low right now, my friends!
* Another bad movie looming on the horizon is, sadly, Nick Thune’s latest venture, The Right One. (Scheduled for release this weekend.) Nick’s a great performer and I was really looking forward to this new romantic comedy. I was stoked when I received an early screener to review. Unfortunately, things did not exactly work out. In fact, it was so bad that I was asked by a publicist not to post my review, so I won’t. In an effort to best help inform my readers, I’ll instead just say this: You know when you’re craving chicken and you go through a certain drive thru? You’re like,
“Yum! I’m going to treat myself to some delicious fried chicken!” And then you get it home and think, “Damn it! I was really in the mood for some delicious fried chicken, but these are just deep-fried ghost bones. I do not want deep-fried ghost bones.”
Well, it’s kinda like that. I was really, really in the mood for a rom-com. This is not a rom-com. I’ll let you take it from here.
* Armie Hammer is in the news again, this time for complaining about being “kink shamed.” Needless to say, the gall is stunning. (Is he playing from the gaslighting GOP handbook?) Dude, it’s not sexual preferences that are being shamed here, it’s YOU! SPECIFICALLY, YOU for abusing women; physically, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually. That’s the issue. Okay, I’ll roll back on one thing: your inclination towards cannibalism is really fucked up. I am shaming you for that "kink." There. I said it. In other news, Hammer’s ex-wife, Elizabeth Chambers, has broken her silence, graciously speaking up in defense of Armie’s victims. It’s also said that she’s “saged her house” since the news. Oh, honey, I don’t think one stick is gonna do it. But I am wishing you luck in excising these seriously bad vibes!
(In fun personal news, I meant to send my dad a link about spinach being able to email because how cute is that?! Instead I accidentally included a link about Armie's kink shame claims. My dad was like, "I don't see anything about spinach in this article?" So, that's how my yesterday went! Luckily my father has a great sense of humor!)
* More yuck: Marilyn Manson’s ex, Evan Rachel Wood, has come forward and named the fading rock star as her abuser, news that’s been circulating in the whisper network for years. (Seriously. I heard about this stuff, as well as the dirt on Harvey Weinstein and Johnny Depp, ages ago. Hmm, how does a housewife in Oregon have the intel and Hollywood does not? Surely, the turning of the blind eyes couldn't have anything to do with financial motivations?!) The starlet revealed that Manson groomed her from the age of 19 as a replacement for his then wife, burlesque star Dita Von Teese. (Can we lobby for Marilyn Manson to join Armie Hammer on an island, and for both of them to stay there?! JFC.) Since the revelation, several stars, including Von Teese and another ex, Rose McGowan, have stepped up in support of Wood. Meanwhile, MM has been released from his record label. Yes, just in the nick of time, when he’s losing relevance and no longer profitable. But sure. Dump him now. Nice move.
* Whew, I am burned out on writing about toxic men for the moment. So, let’s move on to Chrissy Teigen! The sassy supermodel took to Twitter with a relatively innocent poll, asking followers, “What’s the most expensive thing you’ve eaten that you thought sucked?” She then revealed that hers was a $13,000 bottle of wine that she and husband John Legend “accidently” ordered. Okay, first: you drink wine, you don’t eat it. And also: WTF?! Hoooooow? (Turns out a, um, forward-thinking waiter recommended it without revealing the price. Eyes on the prize! Also, a tad shady.) Twitter did what Twitter does, pouncing on Teigen for being tone deaf. Chrissy came back with the point that not all of her Tweets “are going to be relatable.” That’s one way to put it!
* Here’re more names I never thought I’d see together: A-Rod, J-Lo, a celebutante from Southern Charm, plus Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler. What in the what? Yes, Madison LeCroy, from Bravo’s Southern Charm, claims she’s been FaceTiming with Alex Rodriguez (aka A-Rod, J-Lo’s fiancé), but that it’s never been physical. Oooookay. Well, I’m sure Jennifer Lopez feels so much better knowing her betrothed is chatting up another woman, but that he’s never touched her. Yes, relief is what must be coursing through her right now! (Not sheer white-hot rage at this totally inappropriate “friendship.”) Madison appears to be backpedaling today, but her attention-seeking castmates will surely be glad to hold her feet to the fire on this one. Get ready - we’ll be hearing a lot more about this story in the coming weeks. A-Rod has a history, J-Lo has a bad picker. Rinse, repeat.
Meanwhile, Madison has had no problem “dropping the receipts” on former NFL quarterback (and MAGA POS) Jay Cutler after he tried to push back, also denying their fling. When Cutler tried to pull the old “I don’t know her" trick, LaCroy happily displayed text after text after text of their numerous interactions on Instagram. (Where else?!) Meanwhile, Cutler’s ex-wife (and yet another reality television staple) Kristin Cavallari has come scrambling to Jay’s aid, posting photos of her and Jay to show her support. Why? I can’t answer that, but I’m working on it. This is my Impossible Burger with cheese moment! My dream meal, y’all. We’re about to feast. Stay tuned.
* Hey, do you want to defund Ted Cruz? Me too! Here’s how.
* Speaking of boobs, here’s a hilarious story about people who took the time to change the Hollywood sign to reflect the real thing that keeps that city running. Also, kudos for a unique way to combat pandemic boredom.
* In that realm, my current Pandemic Pick is The Tweedy Show! Free! Four times a week! Always delightful. This also takes place on IG and now I’m hoping for a Southern Charm/Tweedy Show crossover. Make it happen, internet!
Whew, we’ve done it! I hope you enjoyed, and, if you did, please share! Heck, pass it on even if you didn’t. All press is good press. (Or not, but you know.) Please stay safe, wear your masks, be kind to yourselves and to others. And come back soon! xo
I feel like my husband & I need a "We survived watching Waterworld" badge! What's your worst binge? Drop a line and let me know. We're in this together.