I want to get paid to lovingly trace Keanu Reeves' face.

Hello friends!

* Larry & I did something pretty wild this past week - we watched a non-Kevin Costner film. I know - I am also in shock! (For those of you new to the newsletter, I've been waging a two-person "bad film festival" for our pandemic entertainment, which has self-selected down to Kevin Costner flicks. It's been surprisingly enjoyable - of the "so bad, it's good" variety, naturally.)


The movie in question was Richard Linklater's A Scanner Darkly. And, though it's based on Philip K. Dick's dystopian novel, I found myself completely enraptured with the beauty of the cast. I'd somehow forgotten that the screen version stars Keanu Reeves, Winona Ryder, Robert Downey Jr., and Woody Harrelson. I'm sorry - what?! That's a crazy amount of star power and everyone is freaking gorgeous, even animated in rotoscoping. Did you know it was someone's job to lovingly trace Keanu's face for, like, an entire year?Drawing for a living is something you can do in this lifetime! And now I feel like a total dummy for getting a Masters Degree in Psychology. A waste of time, I tell you! I know your next question must be, "Is there a Go Fug Yourself red carpet roundup of this momentous premiere?" And friends, there is not! Don't worry, I've got you covered. I have written the girls to request one for the upcoming 15 year anniversary of the film's release. We will get this done!

* Okay, now back to the cult of Kevin. We also took three nights over this past weekend to watch to Dances with Wolves. Yes, it required two night just to get through the movie, and another night dedicated to checking out the Blu-ray extras. Oh, yes - we went deep! I accidentally requested the 20 year anniversary version and it is FOUR HOURS LONG. That's just the movie! There's another "making of" disc that will set you back another hour and a half. This is not for the faint of heart. The "making of" was actually pretty interesting - Kevin comes across as a decent guy and everyone in the cast raved about working with him. (I mean, what else are they going to say? But it seemed genuine. I found myself thinking that Costner must be a fine fellow to hang out with IRL. I think I might have Stockholm syndrome. In happy news, they have not yet revoked my library card despite this being the 10th Costner film I have checked out in a matter of months. You can't get kicked out for bad taste - yay!)

By the way, did you know Kevin won an Oscar for Best Director that year? And that he beat out freaking Martin Scorsese?! I did not. Could you imagine being Scorsese that night? I mean, I think he's bounced back but OMG, to be a fly on that wall... Next up in our film festival of two is Field of Dreams. I shall report back!

* In other news, Larry's birthday is this weekend and I am ridiculously excited for him to open his gifts. They've been wrapped and stacked on the dining room table since Tuesday and I keep dancing around singing, "Present pile, present pile!" Our birthdays last year were so depressing - I'm sure we all had a similar experience with our pandemic bdays - so this year feels extra exciting. We might even leave the house for a minute! It's an honor and a thrill to be vaccinated, that is for sure. Let's all get those "jabs" so we can move on to bigger, better, and brighter things.

* And yep, I've still got my eye on these two. I am told that we're supposed to stop wishing for JLo and Ben Affleck to get serious. No one wants to jinx it!But it doesn't hurt to say a little prayer, right? Meanwhile, Vulture has a great Bennifer timeline, if you want something to tide you over...

I hope you enjoyed your weekly update! And I hope you are staying safe and well. Be sure to be kind to yourself and others. You are worth it! Make plans to come back next week - I love having you here.