It’s whiplash, times two this week with a disappointing Super Bowl win and a whirlwind NFL engagement. Plus, Firefly Lane, butterflies, and a never-nude. All this and much more. Let’s get to it!
* So, that happened. The “Tompa” Bay Buccaneers trounced the Kansas City Chiefs with a 22-point lead. Funny, add several zeros to that and that’s the number of COVID cases Florida is probably about to see. Meanwhile, The Weeknd’s performance underwhelmed, the halftime ads were bizarre, and pampered quarterback Tom Brady got “white girl wasted,” after his win (which seemed to be heavily aided by refs). Maskless, on a boat in Florida, nearly tossing his trophy into the water? It all tracks. Meanwhile, the country suffered collective/selective amnesia: no one took a knee, but everyone was supposed to forget Brady is MAGA garbage. (Slapping “End Racism” on Tom’s helmet while firing Colin Kaepernick from the franchise? The irony here is richer than Jeff Bezos.) In short, it’s business as usual here in America. This has been “Sports!” with Jenna.
* More NFL hot goss: remember one week ago, when we were speculating whether or not Green Bay Packer quarterback Aaron Rodgers and actress Shailene Woodley were mere “friends with benefits” or if they were heading towards IG official? Well, they skipped social media all together and went straight for AN ENGAGEMENT. Holy heck. Fans, friends, and family are reportedly all wowed by the speed of commitment, with one teammate commenting that he thought it “was a rebound” but now realizes it “must be a very special relationship.” One person who might not think all of this is so “special” is surely Rodger’s ex, NASCAR star Danica Patrick, who was dating Aaron last summer and who’s also (probably former) friends with Woodley. In fact, she’s said to have possibly introduced the two. Going out on a limb here to say: I don’t think this is what she had in mind! Interestingly, post-Patrick, pre-public acknowledgement of Shailene, Rodgers had this to say:
“I have just a new and increased love of life,” the signal caller explained. “And I’ve made decisions and changes and habits that put me in a lot better headspace and there’s just a lot of things that have come together in my life over the last few months that have really been enjoyable and reminded me, given me perspective, on life and in football to view things through the most positive lens I possibly can.” Rodgers added, “And that’s why I’m having so much fun and it starts with love. And then surrounding yourself with people that you really enjoy.”
Hmm. I’m thinking this was less “rebound” and more straight-up “cheat-to-bonafide.” The timeline seems pretty sketch, but Aaron does seem wildly happy so maybe he just found “the one” and acted… quickly. Stay tuned: I’ll keep an eye on the wedding bells for you.
* What happens when a lepidopterist and a never-nude meet? A film, naturally! Specifically, The Dark Divide. This is the story of famed butterfly expert Robert Pyle, whose book, Where Bigfoot Walks: Crossing the Dark Divide, was turned into a movie starring David Cross. (Cross famously played Tobias Funke on Arrested Development and Tobias had the unique affliction of fearing nudity. One of my forever faves!)
You might be asking, “What does this have to do with anything?” Well, you’re (most likely) home, I’m home, there’s a cool, cheap, event coming up featuring these two, and I thought you might like to know about it because I’m nice like that! Mark your calendars for one week from today, Friday, February 19th, to see Robert in conversation with David Cross, via Zoom, sponsored by Portland’s famed Powell’s Bookstore. Only $5, viewed from the safety of your couch. Sounds pretty rad to me! Want to get up to speed beforehand? Check out my film review of The Dark Divide here. See ya in the (virtual) stacks!
* In “why are some men compelled to be total pieces of shit” news:
Things continue to go from bad to worse for Armie Hammer. The disgraced actor has been dropped by his agency and his publicist, with rumors swirling that a big article is about to drop, causing his representation to scramble in an effort to get away from him. (If only his victims had been so lucky!) Hammer continues to wait things out in the Cayman Islands. Meanwhile, if you want to go down a dark rabbit hole, check out “Armie Hammer receipts” on Reddit. The dirt is being meticulously compiled…
Shia LaBeouf has “stepped away” from his agents at CAA while he seeks treatment. Hear that – he stepped away, they did not fire him! Okay? Okay. In other news: stay gone, dude.
Charisma Carpenter, of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame, has come forward to accuse showrunner/writer Joss Whedon of on-set abuse. Her claims are backed up by costar Michelle Trachtenberg and supported by Sarah Michelle Gellar. This is another one of those, “I heard about this years ago. How has the industry looked away for so long,” cases that I was complaining about last week. I didn’t realize I was such an insider! Look at me, super connected Oregonian who has the scoop before all of L.A. Please, if the whisper network reaches the Pacific Northwest, it might as well be on a freaking billboard in Los Angeles. Let’s do the right thing by these women at the time and not years (and years) later.
I hope you’re sitting down. Justin Beiber’s former pastor is a super creep. What? I know. I was so (not) surprised too. Got time? Read the Vanity Fair deep dive here.
* Well, that died down fast. Mere weeks after cheating rumors flared up around Alex Rodriguez, all (currently) seems to be quiet on the home-front. At least for now. A-Rod was accused of having a fling with Bravo’s Southern Charm star Madison LaCroy and it looked like things were going to get juicy. Instead, all’s been strangely quiet, with zero news from Jennifer Lopez’s camp. In fact, J-Lo and A-Rod even went through with their Super Bowl plans (J-Lo headlined last year’s Halftime show with Shakira), hanging in a private suite during the big (super spreader) game. I can admit I was wrong – I thought we’d be talking about this for months, but I forgot about the Lopez factor! Needless to say, Jennifer is the consummate professional. There will never be any confirmation of this story, and there will most likely be no split. J-Lo has terrible taste in guys, and that means they’ll do their best to bury this as quickly as possible as she stands by her man. Does J-Lo not understand that she’s J-LO?! She could have anyone and certainly deserves better. In the meantime, to each her own, I guess. Insert shoulder shrug emoji here!
In related tidbits, news of the rumored dalliance began in earnest when one of Madison’s castmates revealed knowledge of LeCroy and Rodriguez’s “friendship” on Kate Casey’s podcast (Reality Life with Kate Casey). I happened to have had the honor of interviewing Kate a few years back and you can read it here! (Hmm, maybe I AM well-connected. Buying my own hype. Haha)
* Happy news! Kristen Wiig recently revealed she’s married and a mother of twins! The mega-popular SNL alum revealed to Howard Stern that she married actor/writer Avi Rothman recently and that the newlyweds welcomed twins, a boy and a girl, via a surrogate, earlier this summer. Now that’s how you pandemic! Congrats to the happy family.
* I have not had time to dig into the Framing Britney Spears documentary on Hulu, but I promise I will come back with a report! I can’t wait. I hope it begins #FreeBritney in earnest. Also, if you know me, you KNOW I have opinions about Justin Timberlake and I will be sharing them. (Short version: he's a sexist pig.) Check back!
* What I have had time to watch is Netflix’s Firefly Lane and OMG, it is Beaches-lite, in the most delightfully bonkers way. Read my quick post about this odd/great dramedy here.
* In the immortal words of the brilliant Jay-Z, “What’s better than one billionaire? Two.” So, let’s take that and apply it to masks! Why wear just one when you can double up? That’s the current recommendation from the CDC and y’all – I’m rolling with it. It can’t hurt and it certainly might help. We’ve made it this far – stay the course, peeps!
That’s it for this week. (Yes, I know there's an Impeachment Trial going on, but I'm waiting for the end result. My heart can't take the ups, downs, and constant GOP gaslighting right now. Instead, I'll focus on the outcome I want while enjoying the snowstorm currently taking place outside my office window. Also, for you Bachelor franchise fans, there will be a longer post on Chris Harrison soon too.) Thank you for joining me – be sure to share this post, and to come back soon! In the meantime, stay safe, happy, and positive. You are worth it! xo